The word “incel” makes most people think of angry men complaining online about women. But there’s another side to involuntary celibacy that barely gets talked about: women who face the same struggles. New research shows why male incels dominate headlines while female “femcels” deal with loneliness in silence.
Why Everyone Knows About Male Incels
Male incels have gotten tons of media coverage and academic study. These online communities are known for toxic attitudes toward women and sometimes violent threats. They blame “Stacys” (attractive women) and “Chads” (attractive men) for their dating problems.
Because some incels have committed real violence, researchers have spent years studying them. We know about their mental health issues, their anger, and how they get radicalized online. All this attention means society at least recognizes that male incels exist, even if we don’t like what they represent.
The constant media coverage means their problems get documented, even when their responses are dangerous. You can read more about how this isolation shapes their views in our piece on The Incel Perception Gap.
Female Femcels Stay Hidden
Femcels face the same core problem as male incels - they want romantic relationships but can’t find them. But society treats their struggles completely differently.
Most people assume women control dating and sex, so when a woman says she’s involuntarily celibate, people don’t believe her. They think she’s just being picky or could easily find someone if she really wanted to. Even other incels sometimes dismiss femcels as “volcels” (voluntary celibates).
Research on femcels is almost non-existent compared to studies on male incels. One study points out how little scholarly attention women experiencing involuntary celibacy receive (PubMed). Without recognition, there’s no support system, leaving these women to handle their loneliness alone.
Different Ways of Coping Online
Male and female incels express their frustration differently. While male incel forums often contain hate speech and threats, femcel discussions focus more on relationship frustration and feelings of powerlessness. They rarely make the violent threats that grab headlines.
This quieter approach, combined with society’s dismissal, makes femcels even more isolated. When people don’t think your problem is real, you’re less likely to seek help or talk about it publicly.
This creates a harmful cycle. Problems that aren’t acknowledged don’t get resources. Mental health services and support programs rarely address what female involuntary celibates go through. Research examining these gendered differences shows this clear imbalance (ResearchGate).
What This Means for Lonely People Online
The different treatment of incels and femcels reveals something troubling about how we handle loneliness. We pay attention to the loud and threatening while ignoring the quietly suffering. This doesn’t mean we should excuse dangerous incel behavior, but it shows our biased response to similar problems.
Both groups struggle with loneliness and lack of connection, but society’s reaction depends on gender stereotypes and how people express their pain.
Going forward, we need to recognize that femcels exist and have real struggles. This isn’t about supporting hate - it’s about addressing human loneliness that affects all genders. We need broader conversations about isolation, emotional support, and how gender shapes our social experiences online and offline.
Only by looking past the loudest voices can we understand involuntary celibacy fully and create better, fairer solutions for everyone struggling with loneliness in the digital age.